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Forum posts for Question of the Day:

Posted by bryan on Dec 03, 2004
the real question here is how would I fulfill this sexual desire for lead?

Not having one fingernail would be pretty hard for me to deal with. Would my body be allowed to grow the natural replacement, or would the nail bed suffer, empty and lonely, like a sad metaphor for my entire existence?

Posted by phduffy on Dec 03, 2004
The nail never replaces it, you have to go your whole life with this weird nailess finger.

See, I think the important thing is, how attrracted to lead am I going to be?

Is it going to be like a dog in hear when I see lead, or more like "You know, if lead and I were at similar stages in our lives, I could see us hooking up. If I was single and lead was single.... that type of thing"

Then you get to worrying about consumating your love.

Posted by bryan on Dec 03, 2004
so the nail bed would be sensitive and lonely, with no shielding from the harsh realities of every day modern life, kind of like Sarah Jessica Parker's character on Sex in the City?

If so, lead and I are getting a condo, because I've had bare nailbeds before, and they ain't too comfy.

Posted by phduffy on Dec 03, 2004
I like the cut of your gib.

Posted by cosmicfish on Dec 04, 2004
mmmmmm... lead. with ten fingernail marks in it's sexy back.

Just wanted to say
Posted by Miguel on Dec 06, 2004

This is probably the funniest exchange ever on this website.

Posted by bryan on Dec 06, 2004
This thread was more gratifying for me than what jasmine and I have dubbed "the lead experiment".

Just say no to lead.
Posted by mike on Dec 10, 2004
I would actually rather be missing both my entire ring and pinky finger on my left hand than be sexually attracted to lead.

Missing fingers = a good story (not as good if only missing a fingernail)
I don't really do a hell of a lot with those two fingers that I couldn't still do with the fingers I would have left.

Exposure to lead has pretty serious side effects (mostly from ingesting, but contact in general isn't good), let alone if you start trying to consumate your love. Here is one bad scenario:

You pop the hood of your car (don't ask why, just invent a reason). You look around in there a little bit. You spy the battery terminals, which are most likely made of lead. After determining that you are alone you decide that it may be a good time to indulge your lead fettish. Through some means you begin to express your love for one of the terminals. Then you start thinking that you may be neglecting the other terminal and perhaps a menage-a trois may be in order. After a brief attempt at this you realize that creating a short circuit across the terminals with your genitals has resulted in 12V at around 400-600 amps (4800 to 7200 Watts of power) burning your most tender of areas beyond all recognition. This would most likely prevent any kind of fullfilment of any sexual attraction of any kind for the rest of your life.

I have never tried, but I was once told that if you place a wrench between two battery terminals it will actually melt the wrench. I would tend to believe that at the very least it would not be a good plan to test that theory.

But on the other hand if you have to be sexually attracted to a metal, lead is very ductile and malleable. You could shape it into anything you like with only minimal effort.

In conclusion: Don't have sex with lead. Although things may be OK in the short term, your long term relationship with lead will only result in your premature death.

Posted by phduffy on Jan 27, 2006